How to Move From Burnout to Softness: A Personal Share

Reflecting on my own experiences, as I became a mother, I saw nothing that spoke to what it meant to be soft within myself or to tend to myself in a nurturing and loving way. Conversely, there was a lot of emulation of women doing it all — with what appeared to be very little struggle, no matter how busy their lives were.

For me, I did all of this while being a single parent over half the time while my kids’ dad worked full time or more at the fire department and often a second job. There was no time to be soft and tender. I had to keep going.

I would notice a panic creep in when things got to be so hard. Somewhere deep inside myself that I didn’t know existed, I felt what I now know was an urgent need to be cared for. HELP. I wanted and desperately needed help. I wanted to be soft and tender, to not be hustling in a way that felt so out of alignment — but I simply did not know an alternative way of being.

The Turning Point

What broke this cycle for me was having a child who had a serious medical condition that required multiple hospital stays over the course of a year, which also resulted in some pretty debilitating adrenal fatigue for myself. I could not do it all anymore.

I had to rely on every ounce of help that was offered to me to get through that year. I learned that I had no choice but to slow down, even when I thought it was impossible. Everything that didn’t get done — that I thought had to — showed me that a lot more can be let go of than you think.

And being able to truly understand that felt so freeing — after a period of time of it being absolutely terrifying. Now, when I hear parents tell me the things they believe have to get done, I have a very different perspective. What someone believes needs to get done often has a core need greater than the actual thing itself.

For some, the “have to” list gives a sense of control. For others, it’s driven by the fear of letting others down. In either case, the list can start to control you. Understanding what you can let go of has to do with knowing what you can do — or say no to — so that you can regain your own power and come back to yourself.

Coming Back to Self

Coming back to self is an uncomfortable feeling for a lot of women, especially if we’ve been told since we were little girls that we must harden ourselves to function in this world to make others more comfortable. Coming back to self requires a softness and tenderness that I didn’t know I was missing until I began to allow others to help — and then had some bandwidth to look within.

Five years later, I now crave that time to myself. I run towards the quiet and stillness that comes with being present with myself and shutting out all the noise and responsibilities of the world.

I’m still a successful business owner. I’m still a good mom. And I’ve learned to be soft and tender. I’ve learned to receive, which has also given me more space to give to those I love.

I no longer feel a polarity between having to be soft and tender, or assertive and strong. I’ve learned that women have this intricate dichotomy — we are multidimensional beings capable of being so many things at once. We don’t have to choose.

Things I started to do to come back into my own space:

• Doing things on my own: yoga, singing bowl classes, hiking, walks, “mommycations.”

• Gardening more — losing myself in time and finding peace.

• Signing up for classes that interested me.

• Drawing and painting again, rediscovering forgotten joy.

• Letting go of “shoulds.”

• Recognizing when I was beyond capacity and allowing myself to cancel plans.

• Actively relaxing — reading, sewing, small crafts.

• Connecting to spirituality in ways that felt authentic and free from patriarchy.

• Finding a tribe of women who reflected my values of self-care.

• Starting therapy and healing childhood wounds.

• Practicing mindfulness (Mark Williams & Danny Penman’s Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World helped me start).

• Reading and exploring again — rediscovering curiosity.

• Redefining my career for better mental health.

• Letting myself cry and be seen — no longer hiding my emotions.

Coming Home, Fully

Implementing all of this has not only helped me come home to myself but also be a more present mom. When I can identify and give to my own needs, I am more able to meet theirs.

By challenging the narrative that we must keep pushing to be okay at any cost, I’ve learned a better way — one rooted in balance and self-respect.

Life is about balance, and I am now on a quest to constantly find the balance within, rather than chase it in the world around me.

Coming back home to yourself isn’t just about personal healing — it transforms how we show up as parents, partners, and humans.

If you’re ready to explore what that balance looks like in your own life and family, I invite you to join our Incredible Years Parenting Classes. They offer a space for support, connection, and learning — a place to rediscover softness in yourself while nurturing it in your children.

Because when we learn to be gentle with ourselves, we naturally raise gentler, more grounded kids.

Check out our website to find out more.

How did this post land for you? Feel free to leave a comment.

XOXO,

Camille