When Screens Feel Like the Only Option: Helping Kids Find Balance

Each year, I have the opportunity to offer parenting workshops throughout the community. One of the most consistently well-attended topics is Online and Social Media Safety for Kids. This workshop definitely has some of the higher enrollment numbers, which is not surprising given that most kids are on screens. 

And every time I teach this workshop, I hear the same concerns from parents:

“I don’t feel like I can take the screens away.”

Parents worry about what their child will do without screens.

They worry about how their child will react.

They worry about emotional regulation—because screens feel like the thing that keeps their child calm.

They worry about social connection—because so much of it now happens online.

These are real, valid concerns.

And at the same time, they can be incredibly disempowering when screens begin to dictate parenting choices that go against what parents know is best—but don’t feel safe or capable of implementing.

Hearing this over and over again made me feel genuinely sad for families stuck in this place. 

A Personal Wake-Up Call

About a month ago, I was snow tubing, having a great time—until I collided with someone and sustained a pretty serious concussion.

Concussions are far more debilitating than most people realize. For the first several days, even thinking hurt my brain. And screens? Completely off the table. If I so much as looked at a screen, it felt like my head was being squeezed in a metal vice. The pain was immediate and intense—and the moment I closed my eyes or looked away, the relief was instant. This wasn’t pain I could push through.

What struck me most was how invisible the injury was. No cast. No crutches. Nothing to signal just how impaired I actually was. And suddenly, I noticed something I hadn’t before:

How completely our world revolves around screens.

I don’t consider myself someone who overuses screens, yet I struggled deeply with not having access to them. By the second week, I began making accommodations—dimming lights, wearing sunglasses (yes, even indoors), lowering screen brightness, changing color settings—just to tolerate small amounts so I could meet basic obligations. And that’s when I started thinking about kids.

Kids who rely on screens for emotional regulation.Kids whose primary social connection happens online. Kids who don’t yet have other ways to fill time, calm their bodies, or connect meaningfully.

As an adult, I could read, draw, move slowly in my garden, and enjoy quieter moments with my kids. But I wondered: What slower, simpler pleasures are available to teenagers if screens suddenly weren’t an option? 

Screens Aren’t Going Anywhere—and That’s Not the Point

This isn’t about eliminating screens entirely. Screens are a part of our world, and that isn’t changing.

The goal is balance—not all or nothing.

And balance starts with helping kids build tolerance for off-screen time before screens feel like the only coping tool they have.

Ideas to Support Off-Screen Time:

One of the most effective strategies is to co-create a plan with your child, rather than imposing one on them.

Start by making a list together of non-screen activities they’re willing to try at home. Some ideas include:

• Modeling clay (even better with a project or idea book)

• Finger knitting

• Coloring, painting, or drawing

• Reading books or magazines from the library

• Baking (choose a theme based on a favorite movie or interest)

• Brushing or helping train a pet

• Exercise challenges (wall sits, planks, sit-ups—do it together!)

• Shooting hoops or playing outside

• Paid chores to earn extra money

• Planning meals for the family

• Taking a bath or shower as a reset

Making It Work in Real Life

• Set aside 30–60 minutes per day of intentional no-screen time.

• Keep it consistent—same time of day, same length—so kids know what to expect.

• Use a timer so they don’t need to keep asking when it will end.

• Have a reward or transition ready when the time is up, especially in the beginning.

• Try to stay off your own screens during this time. Modeling matters.

• Encourage phone calls with friends instead of apps or games when possible.

• Plan off-screen time strategically—like during dinner prep, when kids can help.

For many kids, screens have become their primary calming tool. That means it’s essential to also help them build other calming strategies they can use when they’re upset.

(Exploring those strategies in more depth could easily be a whole separate post.)

Start Small—and Stick With It

These ideas may sound simple, but many parents don’t feel like they can realistically create these moments. That’s okay.

You don’t have to overhaul everything.

Start small.

Start intentionally.

Start with 30 minutes.

When you have a plan, talk it through with your child, and follow through consistently—without giving in—you teach both yourself and your child something important:

This is hard, and we can do hard things.

In the Incredible Years (IY) parenting classes, we teach concrete tools to help parents implement strategies like these—and many more—safely and effectively. We have several classes coming up and open for enrollment! If you want to know when the workshops are that I teach, be sure to sign up for our newsletter!  We share the dates and recordings!

With Love & Care,

Camille